(continued)

Savvy Sex Questions with Dr. Jenni:

Dear Dr. Jenni,

My boyfriend loves to perform oral sex on me, but there's just one problem. He's not very good at it. What is the best way to get him to improve his skills?

--Needing Some Direction

Dear NSD,

Great question -- and a common one! Many lovers believe that oral sex means a bunch of desperate tongue-wagging. But if you want to remain in your relationship, the last thing you want to tell your man is that he is bad in bed.

Let's start with the pre-game convo -- the one that happens before you get to the bedroom! Tell your man that you find him sexy when he comes to the playing field freshly mouth-washed, stubble shaved and ready to make a little love with his tongue. Once in the bedroom, turn up the heat by making dry explanations into dirty talk directions! You can whisper that you love it if he could caresses your thighs and butt, then nibble on your neck and breasts. Tell him you want him to tease you all over, and make you beg for him to touch and lick your genitals. (You can use whatever language you like for your genitals -- some language options include: vulva, vagina, clit/clitoris, sweet spot, pussy, or cunt). Once you are teased towards higher levels of arousal, then moan to him about how you want his tongue to slowly and softly wander around all areas of your vulva. Keep sensuously hinting to him how good he is doing, and how you would love for him use a little more pressure, or slide a finger inside to the g-spot. Tell him how hot it is when he licks your outer and inner lips, or softly sucks on your clitoris. Or you may prefer when he keeps his hands on the outside, placing pressure on your perineum/taint area or above your clitoris on the mons.

For extra stimulation, you can ask him to go to the kitchen and get some whip cream or ice. Altoids or peppermint are fun too as the menthol tends to bolster our sensitive regions. If your man is prone to neck cramps, give him a pillow for his neck, and tell him to switch back and forth from tongue to fingers. Or, purchase a fun toy for extra playful support!

Remember, good oral sex starts by opening your mouth -- not for licking or sucking, but rather for talking. Adding a little sassy purr to your directions makes them go from dry to dirty and fun!

Best of luck!

--Dr. Jenni

Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, CST
The Intimacy Institute
Sex and Relationship Therapy
www.TheIntimacyInstitute.org
(720) 331-3354

Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, CST is an AASECT certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist. Dr. Jenni originally pursued a career in sex therapy so to advance her mission for giving all people permission for pleasure by promoting sexual health and healing.

Dr. Jenni lives in Boulder, Colorado where she founded The Intimacy Institute for Sex & Relationship Therapy. She co-directs the clinic with her husband Daniel, also a sex therapist. Before moving to Boulder, Dr. Jenni served as a sexual health scholar at the Center of Excellence for Sexual Health (CESH) under the leadership of 16th U.S. Surgeon General.

When not working, you can find Dr. Jenni spending time with husband, their two young sons, and their backyard chickens. Dr. Jenni is passionate about all the World Health Organization (WHO) pillars of health, and therefore maintains a strong self-care practice that includes Crossfit, swimming, and slow walks in nature.

Confessions Of A Phone Sex Girl:
"Aural Sex, The Old-Fashioned Way" (continued)

Yes, we know. Webcam girls are all the rage. Who doesn't want to turn down the lights, drop their pants and fire up a "LIVE" webcam cutie? Well, some of us have bigger…imaginations than that. You don't even need wi-fi to still crave the breathy intimacy of hot phone sex for some mobile masturbation!

-- The Editors

Every night I fuck and suck fifteen or twenty men. I have hundreds of lovers all over the country, of all ages and from all walks of life. Men from Maine to Oregon have run their fingers through my long red hair, caressed my breasts, and unloaded into my mouth and pussy. No, I am not a well-travelled escort or some kind of swinger. I am a phone sex girl.

I started doing phone sex as an alternative to dreary, poorly-paying temp work. It seemed ideal -- I could stay home, watch TV, surf the web, read, write, and earn money at the same time. Unlike your favorite cam girls, I don't have to deal with make-up, hair, or some expensive lingerie. I can wear anything I want. Listen, I never expected that I would grow to love this work, or that it would satisfy my other needs.

My first night on-call, a customer got on the line and told me he wanted twelve minutes of "kinky" sex. I could hear his breath quickening, like he was afraid he might get caught in the act with me. I was amazed by my reaction -- my nipples hardened and my pussy started dripping. I'd just gotten going when suddenly the line went dead.

She informed me that, while men often got off in less than their purchased time, I'd get paid the full amount. But as my skills improved -- and they did by my third call -- I hardly ever had a man hang up so abruptly. Instead, they allowed themselves to be cajoled into a prolonged tease, and often chatted with me after their climax.

On that first night the phone sex company sent me about ten calls, and after each one, I furiously masturbated myself to orgasm. The next night, however, I learned to discipline and pace myself, to remain on the edge of orgasm, only allowing myself to cum when I was ready to go off duty. By holding back, I gave a better performance.

But the word "performance" doesn't really apply: I am not acting. I really am turned on during my calls, and my customers know it. In fact, I once tried sitting at my kitchen table and doing something else while I talked to a customer. It didn't work. He got off, but I felt I'd given less than either of us deserved. I realized that I really had to "be there" for every caller -- in mind, body and spirit.

Now when I'm working, I pull down the shades, play soft music, light a candle. My working uniform now consists of a T-shirt and leg-warmers, and nothing else. In between calls I watch TV or read, usually fingering my pussy. I get wet by the very circumstances -- being at the beck and call of all the lonely men out there. When the phone rings, I go to my work station, a futon where I keep a pen, pad and dildo. While I talk to my customers, I fuck myself with the dildo. Slowly. Sometimes I tell them what I'm doing, and they love it. Occasionally, I put the phone by my pussy so they can hear the sound it makes.

My customer's tastes run the gamut from the mundane to the bizarre. I have men who want to "watch" me with another woman, or with another man; men who want to fuck me in the ass; men who want to lick my pussy. Some shyly ask for "kinky" sex, and are relieved and thrilled when I have them tie me up and have their way with me. One bisexual man wanted me to "watch" him suck cock; he prefaced his request with profuse apologies, and kept asking if I thought he was weird. I assured him that I, too, am bisexual, and that his fantasy excited me. How many jobs let you do that?

None of my callers have been rude or insulting. Several have asked to meet me, and while I've gently but firmly refused, I have been tempted. Especially by the men who claim to wealthy! One caller had an incredibly sexy voice; he did most of the talking while I humped my futon, fucking myself with my dildo, moaning and groaning while he chuckled in delight. That was the only call during which I actually came. I even felt guilty that I was getting paid for it, and fantasized about that guy all the next day. It felt as if I'd actually been with a lover. Crazy, right?

While none of the callers have been offensive to me, I have heard some unusual requests. The most hilarious was a guy who wanted to throw pies in my face, then roll around in a mud hole with me. I thought for sure he was putting me on, but he was dead serious. He wanted desperately to do all this with his girlfriend, but was afraid to tell her. Honestly, at first I just couldn't relate to it at all, but as I got into the cream pies and the mud of our shared imagination, I realized it represented a total immersion in the sensual, and I was able to get into it. I encouraged the caller to try introducing whipped cream into his sexual relationship with his girlfriend, even if he couldn't actually throw pies at her. It felt good to help someone with a real problem!

I got a slight sunburn outside today, so I'm not wearing the t-shirt or the leg warmers. Just pink flip-flops and red nail polish. Okay, so I rarely describe myself to my callers, but if they do ask, I tell them I'm five-seven, 130 pounds, 38-25-35, with long red hair and blue eyes. (The only part of that description that's real is the size of my tits. Hey, I figure they're not paying good money to "see" anything less!)

Sometimes they insist on knowing what I'm wearing. If they're into being dominated, as more and more callers are, I describe a leather outfit complete with high-heeled boots (which they invariably lick) and a whip. If they want lace and cleavage, I give it to them. But most often, I tell the truth: I'm wearing a T-shirt and purple leg warmers, and my pussy is exposed, ready for action. They seem to like the image -- or maybe it's the honesty. Many have told me I give the best phone they've ever had. They say they can tell that I'm not faking it.

I never watch the clock, and I've run into trouble with my agency for going over the time limit. I don't care: I keep on going until he cums, and often talk with him afterwards. I can always tell when they've shot their load, which is interesting, since there have been times during fucking in my real life when I didn't know my partner had cum.

I had an interesting talk with a married man who said that phone sex kept him faithful to his wife, providing him with a harmless form of variety. Fair enough. More of my callers, though, are single guys who have no one -- I'm it as far as their sex lives go. My heart goes out to those men, and I really wonder about a world in which so many people are isolated and unable to fill the basic human need for sex and intimacy. God knows, I have dozens of women friends who are dying for a good fuck -- yet here are all these men who can't get laid.

In fact, this experience has made me question anew the so-called morality that's been drummed into me. Even by today's standards, I'm a slut, plain and simple. Or a woman looking for trouble. I allow strange men to say dirty things to me; I encourage them to indulge in their most wicked fantasies, and let them use me as they please; I describe outrageously filthy scenarios to them. Afterwards, they thank me. And I get paid -- way better than flipping burgers. I thank them as well, calling them "honey" or "baby" with genuine affection. From my mouth to their ear! Whatever the rest of the world might think of this situation, I'm convinced this sex work is helping somebody with a need. I know I'm providing a valuable and decent service, and getting my rocks off in the bargain. How sweet is that?

Anyway, a girl's gotta make a living…and this damn phone is ringing off the hook. "Hi, this Marianna. What can I do for you tonight, honey? Mmm-hmm. What's that? You say you want to put your big hard dick between my tits? Oh, baby, do it…do it real good…"

-- Marianna

Quick tips for giving great feedback -- and receiving great pleasure from the authors of Mr. Nice Guy, a fast-paced and titillating romantic comedy novel. They also happen to be married!

Give Good Feedback, Have Better Sex

"If you don't tell your partner what you want, or how they can do something better, you'll never be fully satisfied," says author Jennifer Miller. She should know. She wrote the hot romantic comedy Mr. Nice Guy with her husband, Jason Feifer, and it's all about sexual feedback. In the book, two people sleep together each week and then critically review each other's performance in a magazine. Then, before they jump into the bed again, they must learn to course correct.

Miller and Feifer, who have been married for seven years, know it's hard telling a sexual partner what we want. We all worry about embarrassing or insulting our partners, or making ourselves too vulnerable. But the author-couple say that three simple communication tips can help you -- and your partner -- have the sex you want and deserve.

1. Wait until the afterglow.
Some gentle nudging ("to the left -- yes, there!") is great during sex, but more serious feedback should wait until you're done. You don't want your partner to feel inadequate in the moment.

2. Start with the positive.
After you catch your breath, say something you liked but want more of. "I loved when you bit my ear -- can you do more of that next time?", for example. The answer will of course be yes. Now ask for something your partner hasn't done, or that you'd like them to do differently.

3. Make a trade.
Don't just say what you want. Ask what your partner wants too -- because there's almost certainly something they haven't told you. Say, "Is there anything you wish I'd do?" There's no better invitation than that.

From the husband and wife writing duo Jennifer Miller and Jason Feifer comes Mr. Nice Guy, a funny and all too real comedy about the pursuit of success in life--and love--in today's working world.